..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
