so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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