it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
