You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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