I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
