I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
