Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
