just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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