So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
