That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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