Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
