her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cat food counts as protein by the way
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
