what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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