When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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