I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
