That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
