I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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