I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
