Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
