I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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