someone threw a dead crab at me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
