What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
