Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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