it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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