I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
