I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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