I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
