I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
