We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
