i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
