Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just tell him i said nine months
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
