You made me cry and you don't even care
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I am morally bankrupt
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
