it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
