...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
