go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i have herpe
just one?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
