Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
