WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
