I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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