I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You don't make any sense
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