Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need water and some morals
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
