you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
