did you get engaged???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
