I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this is an emotional support booty call
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
