Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You ruined the universe
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
