I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
FUCK WHALES
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
