So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
