I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
