we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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