we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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