I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
