i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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